Understanding begins with openness, but a heart closed off can’t be heard.
Sometimes I stare at my phone, thumb hovering over a half-written text to my girlfriend, and just… delete it all. Replace whatever I was actually thinking with “yeah, I’m good” or a thumbs-up emoji. Been doing this dance for the past year and a half we’ve been together.
Last night hit different though. We were sitting on her couch, some random Netflix show playing in the background, when she turned to me with that look. You know the one — part concern, part frustration, all love. “I wish you’d just tell me what’s going on in your head sometimes.”
Simple request, right? Should be easy. But man, it’s like being asked to explain color to someone who’s never seen it.
The Constant Loop
It’s this weird cycle we get stuck in. She notices something’s off. Asks about it. I brush it off. She gets frustrated because she knows I’m holding back. I get frustrated because I don’t know how to bridge that gap. Rinse and repeat.
The thing is, it’s not that I don’t want to share. It’s more like… where do I even start? How do I explain that sometimes I’m quiet because I’m trying to figure stuff out myself? Or that sometimes I literally don’t know what I’m feeling until hours or days later?
Inside My Head
Here’s what actually goes through my mind when she asks what’s wrong:
– Is this even worth bringing up?
– Will this turn into a bigger conversation than I have energy for?
– Do I even understand what I’m feeling right now?
– What if she thinks it’s stupid?
– Maybe it’ll just pass if I give it time
– I should probably handle this on my own
And before I know it, I’m saying “Just tired” for the hundredth time.
The Translation Problem
It’s like we’re speaking different languages sometimes. She wants to talk things through, process out loud, explore every angle. Me? I’m more likely to go for a long drive, blast some music, and work through stuff in my head.
Neither way is wrong. But man, they sure don’t match up well.
The Unspoken Rules
Growing up, I learned some unwritten rules about emotions:
– Handle your problems privately
– Don’t burden others with your stuff
– Figure it out on your own
– Keep it together
No one sat me down and taught me these things. They just… seeped in. From everywhere. Everyone. And now, trying to unlearn them feels like trying to write with my left hand.
What She Sees vs. What’s Real
I know what it looks like from her side. Probably seems like I don’t trust her enough to share. Or like I’m shutting her out on purpose. But honestly? Most times I’m just trying to sort through my own mental mess before dragging someone else into it.
The Reality Check
Here’s the truth that’s hard to admit: sometimes I don’t share because it’s easier not to. Keeping things bottled up is familiar. Comfortable, even. Opening up means being vulnerable, and vulnerability feels like standing naked in a crowd — exposed, judged, uncomfortable as hell.
But I’m starting to realize something: every time I default to “I’m fine,” I’m adding another brick to a wall I never meant to build.
Small Changes
Lately, I’ve been trying something different:
– When I don’t know how to explain something, I just say that
– Instead of giving one-word answers, I try to give a little more context
– If I need time to process, I say so instead of just going quiet
Baby steps, but steps nonetheless.
The Middle Ground
Maybe it’s not about completely changing how I process emotions. Maybe it’s about finding some middle ground — keeping some of my natural tendency to process internally while letting her in on the journey a bit more.
To The Women Reading This
When we say “I don’t know,” sometimes we really don’t know. When we’re quiet, sometimes we’re just processing. And when we brush something off, sometimes it’s because we haven’t figured out how to express it yet.
To The Guys
Yeah, I get it. Opening up feels unnatural. Scary even. But here’s what I’m learning: those walls we build to protect ourselves? They end up becoming our prison.
— –
Still working on this stuff myself. Some days are better than others. But I’m starting to think maybe the goal isn’t to completely change how we deal with emotions. Maybe it’s just about making space for someone else to sit with us while we figure it out.
Even if that means sitting in silence sometimes.