Look, I’ll be honest — I was that weird millennial who never jumped on the coffee bandwagon. While my friends were dropping $7 on their fancy oat milk lattes, I was perfectly content with my morning tea (boring, I know).
But after watching my roommate transform from a zombie to a functional human being every morning thanks to her sacred coffee ritual, I got curious. Like, scientifically curious. What was I missing out on? Was coffee actually the miracle drug everyone claimed it to be?
So, I did what any slightly unhinged writer would do: I decided to drink coffee every single day for 30 days straight.
Day 1–7: The Honeymoon Phase
Holy. Freaking. Productivity.
The first week felt like I had discovered a cheat code for life. I started with a simple cup of black coffee each morning (because I’m not fancy enough to figure out what a macchiato is).
- My brain went from dial-up to high-speed internet
- I cleaned my entire apartment… twice
- I actually replied to emails before they turned into fossils
- My workout sessions felt INCREDIBLE
But then came the jitters. And the afternoon crashes. And realizing I had to pee approximately every 17 minutes.
Day 8–15: The Reality Check
Remember that scene in Spider-Man where Peter Parker is trying to adjust to his new powers? That was me, but with caffeine.
I learned some hard lessons:
- Drinking coffee on an empty stomach = bad life choice
- 3 PM coffee = staring at my ceiling at 1 AM
- My anxiety didn’t appreciate surprise parties from caffeine
Day 16–23: Finding My Coffee Sweet Spot
By week three, I started getting the hang of this whole coffee thing. I discovered:
- My ideal coffee time window (before 2 PM)
- The perfect amount (1–2 cups max)
- That coffee + breakfast = much better than coffee alone
- The joy of actually tasting different coffee beans (who knew they could taste like blueberries?)
Day 24–30: The Verdict
Here’s the thing no one tells you about becoming a coffee drinker: it’s not just about the caffeine. It’s about the ritual. The quiet moments in the morning. The excuse to take breaks during work. The weird conversations you have with other coffee lovers about brewing methods.
The Good Stuff:
- My productivity increased by roughly 40% (based on my very scientific method of counting completed to-do list items)
- I actually enjoyed morning meetings (who am I?)
- I saved money by making coffee at home instead of buying snacks for energy boosts
- My workouts felt more intense
The Not-So-Good Stuff:
- My wallet cried a little when I started buying “proper” coffee beans
- I had to actively manage my anxiety levels
- Sometimes I missed my old sleepy self
- Coffee breath is real, folks
The Million-Dollar Question: Will I Keep Drinking Coffee?
Yes, but with boundaries. Like any good relationship, it’s all about respect and understanding. Coffee and I now have a healthy arrangement: we see each other in the mornings, sometimes meet up for a midday date, but we know when to call it quits.
Fun fact: During this experiment, I spent approximately 47 minutes total trying to figure out how to make latte art. Current skill level: my attempts still look like abstract blob art.
If you’re coffee-curious like I was, start slow. Don’t dive headfirst into triple shots of espresso. Listen to your body. And maybe invest in a good reusable water bottle because trust me, you’re going to need it.
P.S. To all you tea-only people out there — I get it. I was you. Sometimes I still am. We’re still cool.
Follow me for more slightly chaotic life experiments and the occasional existential crisis about beverage choices.