If you’d told me ten years ago that I’d someday sit down to write about dating lessons, I probably would’ve laughed it off. At 14, I was more focused on school and dreaming about starting my own business someday than worrying about relationships.
Yet, here I am, 24, running my own startup, humming my favorite songs during breaks, exploring the outdoors on weekends, and deeply in love with someone who makes me believe in the magic of it all.
But getting here wasn’t a walk in the park. Relationships, especially when you’re young and still figuring yourself out, can be a mix of excitement, heartbreak, and lessons you didn’t even know you needed. Looking back, I can’t help but wish someone had handed me a guidebook filled with these truths. Maybe they wouldn’t have spared me all the pain, but they might’ve saved me from a few wrong turns.
So here’s what I wish my younger self knew about dating. Whether you’re just starting your journey or reflecting on your own lessons, I hope these resonate with you.
1. Being Single Isn’t a Curse; It’s a Choice
At 16, I thought being single was a flaw I needed to fix. Everyone around me seemed to have someone, and I’d catch myself wondering, What’s wrong with me?
Here’s the truth: nothing. Being single isn’t about lacking something; it’s about discovering who you are without leaning on someone else. Some of the best growth I’ve experienced came from those solo years. You learn to love yourself first, and trust me, that’s the foundation for any healthy relationship.
2. You Can’t Fix Someone Else’s Brokenness
There was a time I thought love could heal everything. I dated someone who was clearly struggling, and I poured my heart into trying to “fix” them. Spoiler alert: it didn’t work.
What I’ve learned is this — you can support, encourage, and stand by someone, but healing is an inside job. Loving them doesn’t mean sacrificing your peace.
3. Chemistry Is Overrated Without Compatibility
You know that electric spark, the butterflies, the feeling that you’re in a rom-com? It’s exhilarating, but it fades if you don’t have shared values and goals. I’ve had connections that felt like fireworks, only to realize later we weren’t on the same wavelength about the things that matter.
Now, I look for both: the spark and the substance.
4. Red Flags Are Real, Don’t Ignore Them
I once dated someone who always downplayed my achievements. They’d laugh off my ideas and make subtle jabs about my singing. At the time, I brushed it off as “teasing.”
Looking back, I wish I’d recognized those red flags for what they were. Your partner should celebrate your wins, not dim your light.
5. Don’t Lose Yourself Trying to Keep Someone Else
This one hits close to home. There was a phase where I stopped doing the things I loved — singing, writing, even my outdoor adventures — just to fit into someone else’s world.
The irony? The more I lost myself, the more our relationship fell apart. A healthy relationship lets you be yourself, not a version of you that someone else prefers.
6. Love Isn’t Always Enough
This one was a tough pill to swallow. There was someone I deeply loved, but our relationship was like two puzzle pieces that didn’t quite fit. We had different priorities, different visions for the future, and eventually, we drifted apart.
I used to think love could conquer everything, but now I know that love alone isn’t enough. It needs to be accompanied by mutual respect, trust, and shared goals.
7. Your Gut Knows More Than You Think
I’ve ignored my gut instincts more times than I care to admit. Whether it was staying in a relationship that felt off or ignoring behavior that made me uncomfortable, I let my heart overrule my intuition.
Looking back, my gut was always right. That uneasy feeling? It’s your internal alarm system. Listen to it — it’s there for a reason.
8. Communication Is Sexy
No one tells you how attractive honest, open communication is until you experience it. I used to think vulnerability was a sign of weakness. I’d bottle things up, expecting the other person to just know what was wrong. Spoiler: they didn’t.
In my current relationship, we talk about everything — our dreams, fears, and even our disagreements. It’s not always easy, but it’s worth it. Honest conversations build trust like nothing else.
9. Rejection Doesn’t Define Your Worth
I remember my first big rejection. It stung like hell, and I couldn’t stop questioning my worth. Was I not good enough? Smart enough? Pretty enough?
The truth is, rejection says more about the other person than it does about you. Maybe they weren’t ready, or maybe they weren’t the right fit. Either way, it doesn’t diminish your value.
10. The Right Person Will Love You for You
This might sound cliché, but it’s the truest lesson of all. With the wrong people, I always felt like I needed to shrink or change parts of myself. But with the right person, you feel free to be exactly who you are.
In my current relationship, I don’t have to hide my quirks or tone down my excitement for the things I love. He supports my dreams, sings along (even off-key), and joins me on hikes because he knows how much I adore being outdoors. It’s not perfect, but it’s real — and it’s enough.
Looking back, every heartbreak, every mistake, and every lesson shaped me into who I am today. Dating isn’t just about finding someone else; it’s about finding yourself along the way.
What about you? Have you learned any lessons on your dating journey? Let’s keep the conversation going.