A man’s honest reflection on modern dating after watching my girlfriend reject 12 potential matches
I witnessed something fascinating over brunch last weekend. My girlfriend was going through her dating app matches from before we met, showing me why she’d rejected guys she’d talked to. As a man who used to think women’s standards were “too high,” this was a reality check I wasn’t prepared for.
The first conversation she showed me started promisingly — the guy had a good job, decent photos, seemed intelligent. Then came his response to her career ambitions: “Wouldn’t you rather focus on building a family?” Just like that, potential turned to disappointment. This wasn’t an isolated incident. Message after message revealed men who viewed accomplished women as threats rather than equals.
Being in a relationship with someone who challenges me intellectually has forced me to confront some uncomfortable truths about my gender. Before meeting my girlfriend, I was that guy who’d list “intelligence” as an attractive quality but feel threatened when a woman demonstrated it. I’d praise ambition but expect it to take a backseat to my own career goals.
The transformation from being part of the problem to understanding it has been humbling. I’ve watched my girlfriend navigate professional spaces where men constantly underestimate her, only to come home to dating apps full of the same behavior in romantic form.
The Reality of Modern Standards
Here’s what I’ve learned about these supposedly “impossible standards” women have: They’re asking for men who can match their level of emotional intelligence. Men who understand that mental health isn’t just a women’s issue. Partners who view their success as complementary, not competitive. Basic adult competencies like cooking, cleaning, and maintaining a household without requiring constant instruction.
These aren’t high standards — they’re basic requirements for a functional adult relationship. Yet somehow, we’ve convinced ourselves that women are asking for too much.
A Day in Her Shoes
My girlfriend recently shared her calendar with me — a color-coded masterpiece balancing client meetings, therapy appointments, workout sessions, meal prep, and social commitments. Meanwhile, many of her potential matches couldn’t even plan a simple date without expecting her to do all the mental labor.
The disparity becomes clearer when you look at how we approach self-improvement. While she and her friends invest in therapy, read psychology books, and actively work on personal growth, many men I know consider playing video games and listening to dating strategy podcasts as “self-improvement.”
What’s fascinating is how many men claim they want an “equal partner” while simultaneously being unprepared for what that actually means. They want someone successful but get uncomfortable when she makes more money. They want someone intelligent but feel threatened when she demonstrates knowledge in their field. They want someone independent but label her “difficult” when she has opinions.
I’ve sat through countless conversations with my male friends who complain about being single while displaying exactly the behaviors that keep them that way. They view basic relationship skills as optional extras rather than fundamental requirements.
A Hard Truth for My Fellow Men
The bar isn’t too high — we’re just not jumping. Women haven’t become too picky; they’ve become too aware of their worth. They’re choosing their peace over our potential, their growth over our stagnation, and their standards over our comfort.
When my girlfriend shows me messages from men who think doing laundry is a grand gesture or that remembering her birthday deserves a medal, I understand why so many brilliant women are choosing to stay single. It’s not about having impossible standards; it’s about having self-respect.
As someone who’s done the work (and continues to do so), I can tell you it’s not impossible to meet these “high standards.” It starts with accepting that emotional intelligence is as important as intellectual intelligence. That being threatened by a woman’s success says more about us than about her. That true partnership means growing together, not holding someone back.
To my fellow men: The solution isn’t to complain about high standards but to rise to meet them. Get therapy. Learn to cook. Understand that emotional labor is real work. Stop viewing strong women as threats and start viewing them as inspiration.
After months of watching this dynamic play out, both in my relationship and in the dating lives of friends, I’ve reached a conclusion: Women haven’t raised the bar too high — men haven’t tried hard enough to reach it. We’ve mistaken basic adult competencies for unrealistic expectations and labeled women “too picky” when they’re simply refusing to settle.
My relationship has shown me that meeting these standards isn’t just possible — it’s rewarding. But it requires something many men aren’t willing to give: effort, vulnerability, and a genuine desire to grow.
Until more men understand this, we’ll continue to see brilliant women choosing their own company over settling for less than they deserve. And honestly? I can’t blame them.
From one man to another: It’s time to step up. The bar isn’t too high — we’ve just been taking the easy way out for too long. What’s your take on this? Let’s have an honest conversation in the comments.