Why Do Men Always Have to Prove

For the past decade, I’ve been navigating spaces that are often seen as more welcoming to women, from social media to community engagement, while sharing my experiences along the way. One thing I’ve consistently noticed is how men often feel the need to justify their presence in these areas.

“You’re passionate about mental health? What qualifications do you have?”

This kind of questioning is all too common, and it’s frustrating. So, let’s tackle something important: “Why do we often question the role of men in these industries or hobbies?”

Let’s break this down. The answers usually pop up in the comment sections of those questions, and spoiler alert: they’re often not what you think.

I’ve seen this question asked countless times, accompanied by women sharing their “expert” opinions on why men supposedly aren’t emotionally available. Seriously? Can you explain how you’re wired to love caring for others while assuming I’m not?

Here’s something many women overlook: men have their own groups for these hobbies and interests. Often, these spaces are women-free, and there’s a reason for that. The frequent question, “Why don’t we have more men?” often leads to more male-only groups, which isn’t a coincidence.

Women are quick to voice their thoughts on how men work — or supposedly don’t work. It’s as if we’re all one big puzzle with interchangeable pieces. Meanwhile, when a woman strolls into the conversation, she rarely faces the same scrutiny.

When I express my interests in areas like mental health or community service, I’m immediately bombarded with questions that feel more like interrogations.

“You like that cause? What have you done to support it?”

“You’re passionate about emotional well-being? Have you ever volunteered?”

“I can’t believe you care about this; prove it!”

Yet, if a woman mentions her passions, she receives praise instead of a grilling. Why is that?

Now, before you say “not all women,” I’ll point you to the countless discussions about this topic. Sure, it’s not every woman, but let’s be real — it’s a significant number.

Is it possible that some women are gatekeeping their interests without even realizing it? Maybe they’ve absorbed narratives from their friends or social media that dictate what men can or can’t enjoy.

Is it really so hard to believe that some men love “emotional” interests? Can sensitivity and ambition coexist, or do we have to choose one over the other?

The Pressure to Prove Ourselves

Why do men constantly feel like we need to prove ourselves? I started flipping the script: when someone asks me to name five charities I support, I counter with, “Can you name five male leaders in social activism?”

Shouldn’t they know if they’re so passionate? The responses I receive are usually a mix of confusion and silence.

Why is it assumed that men can’t possibly know or enjoy certain things? And why do some women think they have the right to question our worthiness in the first place? I’ve gathered a few things that have been said to me that made me feel less than human, simply because of my gender or appearance.

A Call for Change

If men have to jump through hoops to prove ourselves, why shouldn’t women face the same scrutiny? Here’s a challenge: prove to me that it’s not all women who make men feel this way.

You have a responsibility to call out those behaviors when you see them. Men aren’t solely responsible for the issues we face in relationships or in these industries. We’re too busy proving our worth, whether in professional settings or simply discussing our interests.

So, let’s either lighten our load or share some of that burden.

Thanks for reading! I’m eager to hear your thoughts, so drop your comments below. And if you think I deserve a coffee while reading through them, feel free to “buy me one.”

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