Why Men Hide Their Feelings from Women
Look, I’ll be straight with you — writing this feels weird as hell. Like, who actually sits down to write about their feelings? But after another late-night conversation with my girlfriend that ended with her frustrated because I “won’t let her in,” I figured maybe it’s worth trying to explain what’s actually going on in our heads.
I’m just a regular dude in my late 20s. Got a decent job in tech, been with my girlfriend for about two years now, and yeah — I absolutely suck at talking about my feelings. Not because I don’t have them (trust me, they’re there), but because showing them feels like walking into traffic blindfolded.
The other night really got me thinking. We were watching some show, and my girlfriend paused it to ask why I seemed “off.” Truth is, I’d had a rough week at work. Our team got restructured, and I’m pretty sure my position isn’t as secure as it was before. But instead of saying that, I just shrugged and said “I’m tired.”
Classic move, right?
But here’s the thing — it’s not that simple. When she asks me what’s wrong, my brain goes through this whole process:
If I tell her I’m worried about work, will she start worrying too? Do I want to deal with explaining all the office politics? What if I sound like I’m whining? Maybe I should just figure it out myself first. Plus, it’s probably nothing. Why make it a whole thing?
And boom — “I’m tired” comes out instead of the actual truth.
Growing up, I watched my old man handle everything life threw at him without flinching. Lost his job during the recession? He just quietly found another one. Mom sick? He took care of everything without a word. That stuff sticks with you, you know?
My best friend and I hang out almost every weekend, usually gaming or watching sports. Known the guy since high school. You know how many deep conversations we’ve had about our feelings? Maybe three, and two of those were after way too many beers.
It’s not that we don’t trust our girlfriends or friends. Hell, sometimes it’s because we trust them too much. The more you care about someone’s opinion of you, the scarier it is to show them the messy parts.
Plus, there’s this weird thing where once you start opening up, people expect you to keep doing it. Like, if you show vulnerability once, you’ve got to be this open book forever. That’s pretty freaking terrifying.
And let’s be real — society talks a big game about men being more emotional, but the reactions don’t always match up. Try crying at work and see how that goes. Post about feeling down on social media — watch how quick people get uncomfortable.
I’m working on it though. Baby steps and all that. Last month, I actually told my girlfriend I was stressed about meeting her parents instead of pretending everything was cool. Felt like jumping off a cliff, but you know what? She just squeezed my hand and said she was nervous too. No big drama. No judgment. Just… understanding.
Maybe that’s the key — realizing that sometimes our fear of opening up is way worse than what actually happens when we do. But man, that’s easier said than done.
So to all the women out there wondering why your guy keeps things bottled up — it’s complicated. We’re not trying to shut you out. Sometimes we’re trying to protect you, sometimes we’re trying to protect ourselves, and sometimes we’ve just gotten so used to keeping things in that letting them out feels impossible.
And to the guys reading this — yeah, I know this whole post probably made you uncomfortable. Same here, honestly. But maybe that’s exactly why we need to talk about it.
I don’t have all the answers. Still figuring this stuff out myself. But I know one thing — keeping everything locked up isn’t working either. There’s got to be some middle ground between being an emotional brick wall and totally falling apart.
For now, I’m just trying to be a bit more honest when my girlfriend asks what’s wrong. Sometimes it still comes out as “I’m tired,” but sometimes I actually manage to tell her what’s really going on. It’s a start, right?
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Just writing this made me want to close my laptop like fifty times. But hey — maybe someone out there needed to hear they’re not the only one struggling with this stuff.