Who Wants More Sex? Me or Her?
Who Wants More Sex? Me or Her?
Last week, my girlfriend and I sat down for a conversation that most couples might avoid — or tiptoe around at best. But not us. We were talking about sex, and more specifically, the frequency of it.
We weren’t arguing or complaining. It wasn’t one of those “we need to talk” moments drenched in tension. It was just an open, honest dialogue sparked by mutual curiosity: Who wants more sex — me or her?
Breaking Down the Myth
Let’s get one thing straight: the stereotype that men always want more sex than women is outdated and oversimplified. Desire isn’t a one-size-fits-all thing. It’s messy, fluctuating, and deeply personal.
When we started unpacking this, we realized something surprising — we both wanted more. It wasn’t about one person feeling deprived or another feeling pressured. We were on the same page, craving a deeper connection but navigating the hurdles that life throws in the way.
If you’re in a relationship, you probably know the drill. Work deadlines, social obligations, Netflix marathons, and the occasional existential crisis can all conspire to zap the energy out of your intimate life.
For us, it wasn’t that the passion had disappeared. It was more like we’d put it on the back burner without realizing it. “We should have sex more often,” she said, and I couldn’t help but nod in agreement.
It wasn’t just about the physical act — it was about what it represented. More intimacy, more closeness, more moments to step away from the chaos of the world and just be present with each other.
Why Don’t We Talk About This More?
Sex is one of the most natural parts of a relationship, yet we act like it’s taboo to bring it up. It’s almost ironic. We’ll complain about the Wi-Fi being slow or debate pineapple on pizza, but when it comes to our sex lives, we freeze up.
When we decided to talk openly about it, it felt liberating. We could voice our needs without fear of judgment, and it created a space for solutions rather than resentment.
Here’s what we also realized: “more” doesn’t necessarily mean better. What we really craved wasn’t just frequency; it was quality.
Were we fully present with each other when it happened? Were we prioritizing intimacy in ways that extended beyond the bedroom? These were the questions that mattered.
It wasn’t about keeping score or comparing ourselves to other couples. It was about what worked for us.
How We Plan to Make It Work
- Scheduling Without Shame
Okay, I know what you’re thinking — scheduling sex sounds about as romantic as paying taxes. But hear me out. It’s less about sticking to a rigid calendar and more about setting aside intentional time for each other. - Redefining Foreplay
Foreplay doesn’t start in the bedroom. It’s in the little things — the inside jokes, the thoughtful texts, the way you touch their shoulder when you walk by. - Checking In
This isn’t a “one and done” conversation. Desire changes, circumstances shift, and what works today might not work tomorrow. So, we’ve decided to keep checking in with each other, making this an ongoing dialogue rather than a one-time fix.
So, Who Wants It More?
The answer, at least for us, is that we both do. And that’s okay. Relationships aren’t about keeping tabs on who’s winning or losing. They’re about finding ways to meet each other where you are and growing together.
If there’s one thing our conversation taught me, it’s this: Talking about sex doesn’t ruin the magic — it deepens it.
What about you? Have you ever had an honest conversation about this with your partner? Or is it something that still feels hard to bring up?
Let’s break the stigma, one awkward yet empowering conversation at a time.