Stop Judging Women for Their “Body Count”

Stop Judging Women with “High Body Counts”

The outdated double standard that shames women for having multiple sexual partners is unfortunately still alive and well. While men are often celebrated or even encouraged to have as many sexual encounters as they like, women are scrutinized and judged. It’s 2024, and this kind of thinking should be a thing of the past.

It’s exhausting to hear men complain about how women with “high body counts” are not relationship material. If you’re unfamiliar, “body count” refers to how many sexual partners a person has had. But what even constitutes a “high” body count? Is it two, ten, or fifty partners? And why is it that this conversation only seems to apply to women? If a “high” body count matters, shouldn’t it apply equally to both sexes?

A High Body Count: What Does It Even Mean?

Let’s take a hypothetical example: if someone has been sexually active for 20 years and has had 50 partners, that’s roughly 2.5 partners per year. Is that really such an outrageous number? The conversation around body count often lacks context. For some, having many partners can be a phase of exploration, while for others, it might represent an ongoing lifestyle. The reasons vary, but they shouldn’t automatically be met with judgment or stigma.

The idea that sleeping with multiple partners is somehow shameful is absurd. Both men and women can make choices about their bodies without it defining their worth. We should focus more on safety and consent rather than how many people someone has been with.

The Real Risks: Safety and Health

Now, let’s be real — there are legitimate concerns about safety when it comes to sexual activity. Women, in particular, are often at higher risk when engaging with new partners, especially if those interactions are spontaneous or happen without enough time to establish trust. There’s also the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs), which affects everyone, regardless of gender.

For both men and women, engaging in sexual activity with multiple partners over a short period of time could have consequences, but that’s not an issue exclusive to women. The focus should be on encouraging safe practices like regular testing and the use of protection.

Promiscuity Isn’t Always Permanent

It’s also worth noting that promiscuity can be a temporary phase for many people. A person’s number of sexual partners during one stage of their life doesn’t dictate their ability to be in a meaningful, committed relationship later. People grow, change, and learn from their experiences. What someone did in their 20s or 30s shouldn’t automatically exclude them from love or relationships in the future.

In fact, having multiple partners can sometimes be a positive form of self-discovery. On the flip side, it can also be a way for someone to cope with emotional pain, low self-esteem, or past trauma. Just like people turn to alcohol or other coping mechanisms, promiscuity can be a response to internal struggles. The key is not to shame people for it but to understand the deeper reasons behind their choices.

Misogyny and the Fear of High Body Counts

Why do some men feel threatened by women with a high body count? One theory is that it challenges toxic masculinity. Society has long told men that their worth is tied to their ability to “conquer” women. So, when they encounter women who have had more sexual partners than they have, it can feel like a direct blow to their fragile egos.

For some men, this insecurity manifests as judgment. They might assume that a woman with more sexual experience will judge their performance or compare them to past partners. Here’s a newsflash: women can judge your sexual performance whether they’ve had 50 partners or just one! The key to a healthy sexual relationship is communication and mutual respect — not counting the number of past partners.

Compatibility, Not Judgment

There’s also the issue of sexual compatibility. Some men may feel uneasy about dating women with high body counts because they fear they won’t be able to match their partner’s sexual drive or experience. But having a low body count doesn’t guarantee that someone will be a good fit in bed either. Sexual compatibility is about more than just experience — it’s about openness, understanding, and the ability to connect with your partner.

Men who obsess over body counts are missing the point. What matters in a relationship isn’t how many people your partner has been with; it’s whether you are compatible and can build a connection. Worrying about someone’s past instead of focusing on your present relationship is a surefire way to create problems where there might not even be any.

My Body, My Business

Personally, I’m not ashamed of my body count, nor do I feel the need to hide it. I’ve been sexually active for 14 years, and during that time, I’ve had 12 partners. That’s not even one partner per year! The number of partners someone has had isn’t the issue — what matters is whether they feel safe, are practicing safe sex, and are making choices that are right for them.

For years, I put pressure on myself to wait for the “right” person and to avoid casual encounters. But my experiences taught me that waiting doesn’t guarantee a perfect relationship. What matters is finding someone with whom you feel safe, valued, and compatible, not worrying about arbitrary numbers.

Let’s Change the Narrative

It’s time to stop shaming women — or anyone — for their sexual choices. A high body count doesn’t make someone dirty, ruined, or unworthy of love. We need to start viewing people as individuals with unique experiences, not reducing them to numbers. As long as someone is taking care of their health and making choices that feel right for them, their body count shouldn’t matter.

So let’s shift the conversation. Instead of asking, “What’s your body count?” let’s start asking, “What makes you feel fulfilled and happy?” Because at the end of the day, that’s what really matters.