As a 23-year-old woman deeply invested in understanding human behavior (and let’s be real, sometimes just curious about the world), I decided to do a little experiment. I was bored one evening, scrolling aimlessly on Tinder, and the thought struck me: What if I were a man on here? What’s it like for them?
It wasn’t just curiosity — it was a mix of fascination, skepticism, and a desire to peek into the other side of online dating. So, armed with a fake profile, a generic picture of a reasonably attractive guy (nothing overly flashy), and a simple bio, I dove in.
What I discovered, though, left me disheartened.
1. Ghost Town of Matches
As a woman, I’ve been fortunate enough to see that magical “It’s a Match!” notification pop up fairly often. Sure, some matches go nowhere, but at least there’s interest.
As a man? Crickets. Days went by, and I barely got any swipes. I began to question my profile — is the picture bad? Is the bio boring? Am I not swiping enough? But then it hit me: this is normal for many men.
The competition on dating apps is brutal. Women receive far more attention, while men are often left waiting in vain. What started as an experiment quickly felt… depressing.
2. The Matches That Did Come Were… Different
Eventually, after a lot of swiping, I got a match. Finally! Relief. Excitement. Curiosity.
Except, instead of a meaningful conversation or even a flirty banter, the interaction took an unexpected turn. She asked for money.
At first, it was subtle — mentioning her “difficult situation” or a desire for a “gift to prove I was serious.” But as the chat progressed, it became clear that she wasn’t interested in the “man” I was pretending to be. She was interested in what he could give her.
I realized this wasn’t a one-off either. Out of the very few matches I got, a significant portion of them hinted at (or outright demanded) monetary favors in exchange for their time.
3. Double Standards Were on Full Display
As a woman, I’ve often felt frustrated by how some men approach online dating — objectifying women, sending crass messages, or expecting instant gratification.
But pretending to be a man on Tinder showed me another side of the coin. The way some women treated men was equally disappointing.
- Rudeness and Entitlement: I got responses that ranged from dismissive to outright mean. “Ugh, you’re boring,” one match said after just three messages.
- Lack of Effort: Many matches wouldn’t even bother replying unless I sent something spectacularly witty or intriguing.
- Transaction Mindset: Relationships, even casual ones, seemed to be reduced to what the guy could offer — dinners, gifts, even cash.
4. Men on Dating Apps Are Exhausted
By the end of this experiment, I felt something I didn’t expect: sympathy.
I’ve always believed in holding people accountable for their behavior, and I still stand by that. But this experience made me realize how exhausting it must be for men to navigate dating apps. The constant rejection, the lack of meaningful connections, the pressure to prove their worth — all while facing a culture where genuine intentions can be met with suspicion or disdain.
5. The Human Element Is Missing
What Tinder (and many other apps) has done is turn dating into a game — a numbers-driven, swipe-to-win circus. It’s easy to forget that behind every profile is a real person, with real feelings, hopes, and insecurities.
Pretending to be a man on Tinder reminded me of this harsh reality. The men I’d previously dismissed as “trying too hard” or “boring” are likely just exhausted from the cycle of trying to stand out in a sea of endless swipes.
What This Taught Me About Dating
This experiment left me with a mix of emotions: frustration, empathy, and a deeper understanding of the dating world’s flaws.
- For women: While we’ve fought hard for respect and equality, it’s essential to reflect on how we treat men too. Toxic behaviors, entitlement, and lack of accountability hurt everyone.
- For men: I see you. I understand now how difficult and draining online dating can be. But keep showing up. Your kindness and authenticity will resonate with the right person eventually.
Why I’ll Never See Tinder the Same Way Again
This wasn’t just an experiment. It was a wake-up call. Online dating is far from perfect, and it’s rife with challenges on both sides.
As someone who’s lucky to be in a healthy relationship now, I’ll carry this newfound understanding with me — not just as a partner, but as a person. Because if there’s one thing this experience taught me, it’s that everyone deserves compassion, whether they’re swiping left, right, or just trying to make sense of the madness.
What do you think? Have you ever wondered about the other side of online dating? Let’s talk in the comments — I’d love to hear your perspective.