Why We All Turn Into Jerks During Quick Arguments

A brutally honest look at why we can’t help being arrogant in brief debates

Ever notice how a simple disagreement about pizza toppings can turn your sweetest friend into a condescending know-it-all? Or how you suddenly become a self-proclaimed expert on climate change after reading exactly one (1) Twitter thread?

Yeah, me too. And it’s time we talk about it.

The Instagram-ification of Arguments

Remember when disagreements used to take time? When we’d actually sit down, debate, and maybe even gasp change our minds? Now we’re all trying to win arguments in the time it takes to microwave a burrito.

The Science Behind Our Sudden Superiority Complex

1. The Dopamine-Driven Debate

Every time we fire off a quick, “Well, actually…” response:

• Our brain gets a tiny hit of pleasure
• We feel smart and powerful
• We get instant validation from our echo chamber
• We avoid the discomfort of uncertainty

2. The Knowledge Illusion

Here’s the wild part: The less time we have to argue, the more confident we become. It’s like our brains go:

• “No time to think? Must already know everything!”
• “Someone disagrees? They must be idiots!”
• “Feel defensive? Time to get arrogant!”

The Three Horsemen of the Arrogance Apocalypse

1. The Dunning-Kruger Express Lane

Normal Dunning-Kruger effect: Takes time to realize you know nothing Speed-run version: “I read a headline, I’m basically a PhD now”

2. The Ego Shield Reflex

• Quick arguments = No time for vulnerability
• No vulnerability = Maximum defensiveness
• Maximum defensiveness = Peak arrogance

3. The Social Media Superhero Syndrome

When everyone’s watching (or at least we think they are):

• We perform instead of discuss
• We preach instead of learn
• We slam-dunk instead of share

Why We’re All Getting Worse at This

Picture this: You’re scrolling through your phone. Someone’s wrong on the internet. You have approximately 15 seconds before your attention moves to a video of a cat playing piano. What do you do?

A. Write a thoughtful, nuanced response B. Acknowledge the complexity of the issue C. Hit them with the “ ” emoji and move on

We all know which one wins.

The Uncomfortable Truth

We’re not actually getting more arrogant — we’re getting more scared. Scared of:

• Being wrong
• Looking stupid
• Losing ground
• Missing out
• Being irrelevant

Breaking the Cycle: The 5-Minute Rule

Want to be less of a jerk in arguments? Try this:

1. Wait 5 minutes before responding
2. Ask yourself: “Would I say this to their face?”
3. Write “I might be wrong, but…” (and mean it)
4. Remember everyone’s fighting their own battles

The Plot Twist: It’s Not About Winning

The most powerful thing you can say in an argument isn’t “I’m right” — it’s “Tell me more.”

The Challenge

Next time you’re about to drop that spicy response:

• Count to 10
• Take a breath
• Ask yourself: “Am I trying to win or trying to learn?”
• Remember: The person who needs to hear this might be you

The Real Power Move

Being able to say these magic words:

• “I don’t know enough about this”
• “You might have a point”
• “I need to think about that”
• “I was wrong”

The Mic Drop Moment

The truly confident person isn’t the one who never loses an argument — it’s the one who’s not afraid to lose them.