My viral TikTok about mediocre men sparked a heated debate, and here’s what I discovered
Last week, I posted a TikTok about my dating experience that unexpectedly went viral. The video was simple: me sharing a conversation with my ex who said “supporting your career isn’t my responsibility.” It hit 2.3M views overnight, with thousands of women sharing similar stories.
That’s when I knew we needed to have this conversation.
The Coffee Date That Broke Me
Picture this: I’m sitting at an overpriced coffee shop in Manhattan, across from a guy who, on paper, checks all the boxes. He’s telling me about his crypto investments and Joe Rogan podcast highlights while I’m mentally calculating how many therapy sessions I’ll need to recover from this date.
Then he drops this gem: “You seem pretty successful. Most guys might find that intimidating, but I’m secure enough to handle it.”
I nearly choked on my $7 oat milk latte.
Let’s talk about what’s considered “husband material” in 2024:
- Has a job (any job)
- Showers daily
- Doesn’t live with his parents
- Knows how to operate a washing machine
- Remembers your birthday (with help from Facebook)
Meanwhile, what modern women are expected to be:
- Career-driven but not “too ambitious”
- Beautiful but “natural”
- Independent but “needs him”
- Smart but not “intimidating”
- Perfect mom material but also size 2
- Master chef but also gym rat
- Therapist but never “emotional”
Make it make sense. ♀️
The Receipts Are Here
My DMs exploded after that TikTok with stories that would make you weep:
- Sarah, 29, lawyer: “He asked if I could pretend to be less successful around his friends”
- Maria, 32, doctor: “My ex suggested I switch to nursing because ‘doctor wives don’t have time for family’”
- Jenny, 27, CEO: “He couldn’t handle that I made more money, so he started ‘forgetting’ his wallet”
Here’s what sent me over the edge: Last month, my friend’s boyfriend of three years asked her to split the cost of her engagement ring because “it’s 2024 and women want equality, right?”
THE AUDACITY.
Let’s Talk About the Man-Child Epidemic
We’re seeing a generation of men who:
- Think watching YouTube videos about success = being successful
- Consider gaming a personality trait
- Expect girlfriends to be their:
- Personal assistant
- Therapist
- Life coach
- Maid
- Chef
- Personal stylist
- And emotional support human
- All while bringing the bare minimum to the table
The Peter Pan Syndrome is Real
My group chat is full of stories about men who:
- Can’t cook anything beyond microwave meals
- Don’t know how to schedule their own doctor’s appointments
- Think mental health is “women’s stuff”
- Consider loading the dishwasher a huge favor
- Expect praise for basic adult behavior
And then they wonder why we’re choosing our peace over their presence.
The Weaponized Incompetence Olympics
Let’s talk about the newest sport men are excelling at: weaponized incompetence.
“I don’t know how to fold laundry properly” = I don’t want to learn “You’re just better at planning things” = I don’t want to take responsibility “I didn’t notice it needed cleaning” = I saw it but waited for you to do it
Plot Twist: We’re Not Asking for Perfection
What we want:
- Emotional intelligence
- Equal partnership
- Shared mental load
- Basic adult competency
- Growth mindset
- Actual support (not just Instagram captions about “supporting your queen”)
What we’re getting:
- “Text me when you’re home safe” energy while treating us like their mother
The Great Awakening
Here’s the tea: Women are waking up. We’re realizing that:
- Being single isn’t a curse
- Peace is better than partnership with mediocrity
- Our standards aren’t “too high” — they’re basic human decency
- Success doesn’t make us less deserving of love
- We’d rather have a vibrator and peace of mind than a man-child and anxiety
The Million Dollar Question
Are modern men failing women in relationships?
Based on my inbox full of horror stories, therapy sessions, and the fact that my most controversial dating take is “men should have a skincare routine and go to therapy” — I’m going with a resounding YES.
But There’s Hope (Maybe)
To the men reading this:
- We want you to win
- We’re rooting for your growth
- Please get therapy
- Learn to cook more than one meal
- Understand that emotional intelligence is sexy
- Know that supporting your partner’s success makes you more, not less, of a man
To the women reading this:
- Your standards aren’t too high
- Your success isn’t intimidating — they’re just intimated
- You’re not asking for too much
- Being alone is better than being a mommy to a grown man
- Keep thriving, sis
The Bottom Line
Until men start matching our energy, investment in personal growth, and basic adult capabilities, we’ll keep:
- Focusing on our careers
- Building our empires
- Traveling the world
- Living our best lives
- And yes, staying gloriously single
Because at the end of the day, we’d rather be single at 35 with a career, passport full of stamps, and peace of mind, than settling for someone who thinks doing the dishes is a love language.
Drop your stories below — I know I’m not alone in this. Let’s keep this conversation going. And yes, I’m ready for the “not all men” comments.