Looking back at my younger self, I wish I could sit her down for a heart-to-heart conversation.
There’s so much I’ve learned through years of stumbling, growing, and finally finding my voice. While time machines don’t exist, I can share these insights with young women who might see themselves in my story.
The Pressure to Be Perfect Is a Trap
Growing up, I felt like I was constantly performing on a stage. Every grade, every achievement, every physical attribute was under scrutiny. I remember spending hours in front of the mirror, analyzing every perceived flaw, believing that perfection was not just possible but expected.
What I know now is that perfection is a moving target designed to keep us running until we’re exhausted. The energy we spend chasing it could be better invested in discovering who we truly are and what makes us come alive.
Your Timeline Is Your Own: There’s this invisible checklist society hands to young women: graduate by this age, get married by that age, have children by another. I watched friends rush into marriages and careers not because they were ready, but because they feared falling “behind.”
Here’s the truth I wish I had known: life isn’t a race, and there’s no universal schedule we must follow. Some of the most successful and fulfilled women I know found their path in their 30s, 40s, or even later. Your journey is uniquely yours, and that’s exactly how it should be.
Financial Independence Is Non-Negotiable
One of the most valuable lessons I learned — unfortunately the hard way — is that financial independence is the foundation of true freedom. It’s not just about having a job; it’s about understanding money, investing in yourself, and building a safety net that allows you to make choices based on what you want, not what you’re forced to accept.
Start learning about personal finance early. Understand investments, savings, and how to manage your money. Your future self will thank you for every step you take toward financial literacy.
As young women, we’re often conditioned to be pleasers, to say “yes” when we want to say “no,” to smile when we want to scream. I spent years being the “nice girl” who never wanted to disappoint anyone, until I realized that by trying to please everyone, I was slowly disappearing.
Setting boundaries isn’t selfish — it’s essential. It’s okay to:
Say no without explaining yourself
Distance yourself from toxic relationships
Prioritize your mental health
Choose yourself, even when others don’t understand
Your Body Is Not a Project : I wasted so much time trying to “fix” my body, believing happiness lay on the other side of a smaller dress size or a different shape. Diet culture and beauty standards had me convinced that my worth was tied to my appearance.
Now I understand that my body is not a project to be perfected but a vessel that carries me through life. It deserves respect, nourishment, and gratitude, not constant criticism and restriction.
Success Has Many Definitions: Society often presents a narrow view of success, especially for women. It might look like a high-powered career, a picture-perfect family, or both — the “having it all” myth that exhausts so many of us.
What I’ve learned is that success is deeply personal. For some, it’s climbing the corporate ladder. For others, it’s creating art, building a community, or living simply and peacefully. Your version of success is valid, even if it doesn’t fit the conventional mold.
Trust Your Intuition
Young women are often taught to doubt themselves, to seek validation from others, to ignore that quiet voice inside that says “something isn’t right.” I can’t count how many times I knew something wasn’t right for me but pushed ahead anyway because I thought I “should.”
Your intuition is a powerful guide. That gut feeling when something feels wrong? Listen to it. That excitement when something feels right? Follow it. Your inner wisdom is sharper than you think.
Healing Isn’t Linear: The journey of growing into yourself, of healing from past wounds and disappointments, isn’t a straight line. There will be days when you feel like you’ve figured it all out, followed by moments that make you feel like you’re starting over.
This is normal. Healing comes in waves, and each setback carries its own lesson. Be patient with yourself as you grow.
My Last Words
To every young woman reading this: you are not alone in your struggles, your doubts, or your dreams. The path to becoming yourself is both challenging and beautiful. Take what resonates from these lessons, leave what doesn’t, and trust that you’re exactly where you need to be on your journey.
Remember, the wisdom you’re gaining through your experiences today will be the light that guides someone else tomorrow. Your story matters, and your voice deserves to be heard.