“Sorry for the late reply!” “Sorry, but can I ask something?” “Sorry for taking up your time…”
Sound familiar? I used to sprinkle “sorry” into conversations like salt on french fries. Until last week, when I decided to conduct a radical experiment: I would stop apologizing for seven straight days.
What happened next shocked me.
The Challenge Behind the Challenge
First, let me clarify — I didn’t stop apologizing for actual mistakes. If I stepped on someone’s foot, you bet I said sorry. This experiment was about eliminating unnecessary apologies — the ones we (especially women) use as conversation fillers or to make ourselves smaller.
Day 1: The Awakening
The first day was eye-opening. I caught myself about to apologize:
- For asking a waiter for ketchup
- When someone else bumped into me
- Before sharing my opinion in a meeting
- For taking a lunch break
Each time I stopped myself, I felt a mix of anxiety and… power?
Day 3: The Breakthrough
By day three, something fascinating happened. Instead of “Sorry for the late reply,” I wrote, “Thank you for your patience.” Rather than “Sorry to bother you,” I said, “I appreciate your time.”
The responses I received were noticeably warmer.
The Hidden Cost of Over-Apologizing
Here’s what I realized: Every unnecessary “sorry” was like a tiny withdrawal from my confidence bank account. Each one reinforced a subconscious belief that my existence was somehow inconvenient.
The Numbers That Changed My Mind
Research shows women apologize 23% more often than men. But here’s the kicker — it’s not because we commit more offenses. We’ve just been conditioned to see more of our actions as offensive.
The Unexpected Side Effects
- My emails got shorter and clearer
- People started taking me more seriously
- My anxiety levels dropped
- I felt more confident in my decisions
- Others began apologizing less around me
The Plot Twist
The most surprising outcome? People didn’t think I was rude. In fact, they found me more confident and competent. One colleague even said, “You’re so good at being direct without being harsh.”
The New Rules I Live By
Now, I only apologize when:
- I’ve genuinely hurt someone
- I’ve made a real mistake
- An apology would help heal a situation
Everything else gets transformed into:
- Thank you for…
- I appreciate…
- I’d like to…
- Would you please…
The Ripple Effect
This experiment didn’t just change my communication — it changed how I view myself. Each time I replaced an unnecessary sorry with a more empowered phrase, I reinforced my worth.
What Happened After the Week Ended?
I won’t lie — I still catch myself about to over-apologize. But now I’m aware of it. And awareness, as they say, is the first step to change.
Your Turn
I challenge you to try this for just one day. Keep a tally of how many times you catch yourself about to apologize. Ask yourself:
- Was this a genuine mistake?
- Am I apologizing for existing?
- What could I say instead?
We don’t need to apologize for taking up space in this world. Our presence isn’t an inconvenience. Our voices deserve to be heard without qualification.
So the next time you’re about to say “sorry” for something that isn’t your fault, pause. Take a breath. And remember: You have nothing to apologize for.